How Conservatives and Liberals Evolved. - PowerStrokeNation : Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 01-18-2010, 06:52 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Cartersville, Ga
Posts: 520
How Conservatives and Liberals Evolved.

I tell you what, they are going to have to rewrite the history books. Found this spoof on the evolution of the 2 parties in an email pretty entertaining. Enjoy

For those that don't know history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare..
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywoodand group therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,
athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans.. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have itÖ
Let your next action reveal your true self!
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 01-18-2010, 11:38 PM
Yeah, it's like that
 
ducatirider944's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Right Wing, Midwest
Posts: 2,419
Re: How Conservatives and Liberals Evolved.

I have seen that before but is just as funny the second time you read it
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