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Abrupt, Harsh Realization

6K views 98 replies 42 participants last post by  chvyrkr81 
#1 ·
I'm 24 years old and up until i started dating my current gf i had been single since i was 18(fiance cheated on me), been dating this girl for almost a year without a single issue, until about 10 minutes ago. She dropped like 8 months worth of bitching on me in 5 minutes. Shes graduating from the local juco and headed to kstate in may, she will be half way across the state from me and idk wtf im suppose to do. I drive a fuel hog and shes not guna have the money to run back n forth. I have from to the harsh realization that the girl for me simply does not exist (if she does she would never date some ******* anyhow). I'm so pissed off right now about some of the stuff my gf has said (i.e. me using her at my convenience) that im about to explode, its 5* outside and im about to go for a walk and try to calm down, my temper gets the best of me alot of time and this is one of those times.......






rant over, had to get that off my chest
 
#2 ·
Life figures itself out most of the time.

Enjoy the moments, and try not to make to many bad decisions.

Like gettin pissed that she's building something out of her life that makes in inconvenient for y'all to see each other.

If you're supportive, she just might come on back to Garden chitty when she's through with school.
 
#4 ·
not guna happen, she just asked me what i was thinking and i told her that i was clueless at this point, i thought me supporting her career choice and dealing with her being gone most of the week and only getting to see her once a week and being ok with it because its the career she wants was enough, she said well it is but theres more than that............wtf?
 
#6 ·
Well you havent lost it and throw something threw the wall. My best advice would be to take it easy the rest of the night and relax. drink a few beers but dont get drunk. Tommorow when you wake up start thinking about it, your to emotional now.

The theirs more to it than that part...... sounds lil weird.

just count to 10 before you say anything you wouldnt normally say.
 
#8 ·
im not guna go off the deep end of anything but i will speak my mind to her


its not like i havent tried to make her a part of my life, i have invited her to go to my parents house for the weekend with me and meet my friends and family but our schedules just dont fit, which is understandable and im fine with that.... it will happen in due time(if we stay together) but shes acting like all the blame is on me.... i stay at her house 2-3 nites a week just to see her and be with her.... we used to have sex 1-2 a week(shes always busy with homework in her field of study) and i started to feel like w.e it happened she just wasn't into it so i told her that i didn't wana have sex until the relationship got more serious and was going somewhere..... i didn't want her to feel like she was getting used, i'm actually a pretty sensitive guy and i want to make sure she is comfortable with whats going on and doesn't feel like its a one way street.... ya know what im sayin?
 
#11 ·
You and me share somewhat of a similar story. I was pretty much single as well up till 24 when I started dating my girlfriend, however she lived in Los Angeles and I'm in Dallas, TX. I'm 26 now and she just moved in with me almost three weeks ago. Talk about a shock for both of us. Those two years apart up to this moment have been the hardest thing either one of us have ever done, only got to see each other maybe every three months if we were lucky, yet we rarely had a disagreement or argument. I can count on one hand and still have a couple of fingers left over all of the "fights" we had, and they were all over the phone while we were apart. Basically boiled down to simply miscommunications or just little new found nuggets of info about us that we didn't know before about each other that we had to find out in less than ideal ways, but we got through them. I've learned that being together now, we bicker and argue more than ever before, and it's basically because we've never actually lived together, or even occupied the same space together for more than a few weeks at a time. It's bound to happen. It sucks, but you learn new things. Main thing is to hold onto the good feelings inside when you're confronted with the bad. Trust me, easier said than done. I'm learning as I go along, the hard way. She's had more relationships than I have, but we're both each other's first serious relationship, so we're both learning. It's rough man, you find yourself getting pissed off at the stupidest things, basically because you're trying to get situated and find the common ground. Both of you are used to doing things a certain way, etc. Remember the good times. Try not to blow up, take a breather, and come back to the issue at hand in about 15 mins with a more level head. You'll look into each others eyes and remember all the good things that kept you wanting to be together for so long.

You guys will be alright. Good luck man.
 
#14 ·
she just told me that i was happy b4 her so i should be happy without her and maybe we would see each other around sometime? i was trying to talk to her normally just as i always do but we don't have a common ground to speak on, she told me the only she knows about me is that i work at john deere and i drive a ford..............that kinda hurt
 
#12 ·
After your epic fail thread...i had to:poke:




But on a serious note...girls freak out about change...they cant stand it and want everything the same all the time...let her have her rant and dont get pissed about it, and in a few hours you'll be good
 
#13 ·
Definately don't try to figure out where all that blame $hit came from , your head will explode.. just take a deep breath , have a drink, stay cool and let the storm pass and hopefully you two will figure something out ! Good Luck
 
#18 ·
You still havnt figured it out have you????
 
#28 ·
Cut off all contact, I PROMISEYOU she will be the first to get a hold of you. Just went through this with my fiancée. She broke up with me because she was depressed and stressed while in Afghanistan and i started getting over her about two weeks after everything. I was even dipping some strange and she emails me saying I'm so sorry I can't imagine life without you. Now the balls in my court...and I own her emotions by being indifferent to our relationships success. She has the power right now...you need to take it back.
 
#29 ·
I see it as this, she is trying to end it but girls don't just come out and say that, they tend to do what she is doing. There may or may not be another guy but it sounds to me that she may want to start college fresh. I would tell her how you feel about her but that the relationship is up to her and then let it be, some of the advice above on not calling her can go a long ways, women are used to and tend to need men to chase them- when you stop chasing they don't know what to do and usually start begging for you to come back=== that's assuming they still want the relationship.
 
#32 ·
It's been said a few times already but take it from a guy whose been around the block.....more than once.......suck it up.......agree with her on every thing she says......tell her "I understand Baby, you're right it will be much better your way".....then give her space....lots of space.......make her wonder where you are and what you are doing......TRUST ME.....if she cares, it will make her CRAZY.....if not then time will tell. Good luck son....keep your mind on other stuff or it will make YOU crazy!!!

BTW,don't shave your head and then come on here and tellus about it...!LOL
 
#33 ·
1. If you love her you help her do what ever she needs to do even if it means you lose her. Tell her you love her enough that you will do what ever she needs to help her get where ever she is going.
2. Don't get angry, it only brings another problem to a situation that is difficult, sometimes the anger can become a bigger problem than the original one. Don't try to hide your anger, don't get angery it only hurts you and sometimes you say things that can never be taken back.
3. Whatever you do your life is your canvas, this means the picture you paint will be viewed by others (which includes your GF) in the future. Actions have consequences let her do whatever she needs to do and help her with love, if she leaves there is nothing you can do except help and love her on her way.
4. When a women looks in a mirror she doesn't see what you see, women typically see their faults, if you try and compensate for how she feels about her weight even if you say nice things they hear you are commenting on their weight not weither it was a good or bad remark and take it as a negative.

Good luck and take care of yourself,

Jim
 
#43 ·
That right there is some good advice.

Here's some more:

After being in a 10 year relationship (4.5 living together and just over 4.5 married), I learned that until both of you are at least 30, there is no sense in getting attached so tightly that you can't get out. Neither of you know what you want out of life yet....even if you think you do. My desire to be in a monogamous, happy marriage ended because we got too serious too young.

People put so much value on a relationship and eventual marriage that they lose sight of what's important for a HAPPY as well as healthy lifestyle. Unless your plan involves children, keep Captain Winky in your pants and live your life to the fullest.

Best regards!
 
#36 ·
Sounds to me like she is done and looking for an easy way to let go. Agree to keep in touch as friends and friends only. support her if she calls and needs to talk but at least keep your life going and busy. Wethere she has a nother guy or not just let her go and move on and she will come to you. Your young and I know it is nice to have a steady set up but she and your truck will break down/up and thats the way it is Brother, and when you break you'll normaly go back better the next time even if you keep the same setup.

Tits or Tires Its got Problems! Laugh some brother but above all keep your head up. I'm a ******* too! yup yes i is!
 
#85 ·
Sounds to me like she is done and looking for an easy way to let go. Dont answer her calls and needs to talk and keep your life going and busy. Wethere she has a nother guy or not just let her go and move on and she will come to you. She was too busy worrying about her own life to just say "I dont wanna date anymore". Walk away!

Tits or Tires Its got Problems! Laugh some brother but above all keep your head up. I'm a ******* too! yup yes i is!
I fixed some of it up for ya. You hit it right on the head with the first sentence. The rest you kinda gave her the freedom to do as she wishes but yet toy with your feelings if thats what she wants. You love someone and they tell you that they are too _____ to keep the feelings mutual? They need to go figure out what they want. Whether he goes out and starts banging someone else or starts working out alot or drinking alot, he needs to do it. She goooone.
 
#38 ·
I dated a girl for a year and a half who went to college 250 miles from me. I live in Chicago and she went to IU. I made it work and shes my wife now.
 
#45 ·
Me too, except 4 years 1000 miles away. Then her other boyfriend called me. :doh:

My advice to OP is same as a few others. Give her space, she will call, and she will come back. Do not make yourself available. If the long distance thing happens for y'all, this is what I would say, be cool about it, realize that life will continue after a few years just like you want it to be and it'll be a blur. But, remember that if it barks like a dog, its dang sure not a duck and don't convince yourself otherwise.

Even after the girls other boyfriend called me, she took it upon herself to show up at my apartment once every 2 weeks, and call me every day for 6 months tryin to get me back.
 
#44 ·
Didn't read every post but,

Sounds like Life to me.

Not making light of your sich just pointining out what you dealing with. This is life, it can be good or bad, it's within your power either way. There's plenty of tractor mech jobs between Salina and Topeka, and you've been say'n you need a new job.

You get 1 crack at this thing called Life, don't pass it up! There's plenty of failed broken folk who tossed it away. Some are giving you advice now, some are telling you to do what they did. I only take advice from folks who've succeded where I'm about to fail.

Good Luck!
 
#46 ·
Umm, you're 24. I t sux but to say at your age there's no girl out there for you is pretty friggin' silly.

.
 
#47 ·
probably so...... im guna be this guy--->:pointlaugh: but im alright with that, cuz im not changin a damn thing or the way i act for some bitchin' ass woman
 
#48 ·
Go find yourself a 40 year old divorced mom. Women don't actually become legally sang until around 27 we guys are the same but fuk them.
 
#54 ·
I didnt read every post but i read most of them.

Im 25 ive been through alot of what you are going through, buddy ill tell ya it sucks. My advice is dont get all mad and pissy, crap between you and her might not work out. But theres many years ahead of you and plenty of women out there. I went thru something similar with my ex fiancee, a couple years later i found my wife and shes amazing. Shes never asked me to change shes never even tried, shes loves me for who i am and how i am. YOU will find a woman like this there are plenty of women out there, otherwise no man would be married. Give it time as bad and crappy as it sounds its either gonna work out or not, if it doesnt then youll find a better one.

Women are like, fish your tank can only hold one. Hold that fish till you catch a bigger and better one then release the old one. Plus you never keep minnows in a tank made for redfish.
 
#55 ·
Well...been there. Back in April my gf of just over 2 years broke up with me, and we had done the long distance, 400 miles, for about 1.5 years. We were quite serious, and we were best friends. But, we also started fighting a lot. And she was just over 18. Yea know, I've learned so much from it. I spent the last 8 months feelin like chit and drinkin a lot. And then I started turning myself around with the help and support of good friends. The advice that guys are giving you is really good, I wish I had it back then. I made the mistakes they're all talkin about, and look what it did for me...nothing. I tried doin everything I could to get her back, and found out about the 24 year old she was dating right away:mad:. But ya know, it's not worth getting upset and all over.
All that guilt she's giving you is really her feeling guilty and just using you to feel better.
I learned so many life lessons in that whole process, about appreciating what you have in any good moment, to not get worked up over little things, and being easier to talk to and more understanding. But most importantly, it's about accepting what you can change and what you can't. It is what it is. That's one of my major life sayings now, because it sounds like she's made up her mind and it is what it is. That saying about the horse is perfect; it will come back if it wants, and you have to be ok with yourself if it doesn't. Because it's not fair to you. You need to be happy with yourself. Relationships are a two-way street, and this one sounds like it became a one-way, but she's making you feel like you're the one that gave up, but she's the one that really did. And yea, I know, it's hard when you're far away, but my opinion is that if you love someone enough you'll do whatever possible to fix things. But some people are scared of the process, don't have the courage to do it, or just want what's easier, like a 24 year old with an 18 year old :doh::doh:.
Life finds it's way of working everything out. I tried being single for awhile, then I went on a couple dates, didnt like it. And I started to come to the realization that there probably wasn't much of a selection around here of the type of girls that would date me (goes along with your comment about dating a *******). But, just as I was starting to be ok with being single for a while, a coworker introduced me to my now gf, who I'm very happy with.
Here's the most important part: Be happy with what you have going for yourself now, and all you have to look forward to in life down the road. Goals help me with that a lot, like what you really want out of life in particular. And it just takes time, ya gotta be patient and enjoy the ride. But for now, you just have to cowboy-up, learn what you can, and take it all with you down the road of life. Makes you a better man for all of it.
 
#64 ·
All I have to say now is
GET"ER DONE!
That is all
 
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